Alright, if you're going to hit on me online...

OK, I get it. I'm hot. My Facebook profile is fun and shows off my good qualities (not to mention that dashing profile picture). You might be bored one day, so you start browsing through random people. You're single and looking, so naturally when you see a guy around your age (like me) you click to investigate further. I can imagine your excitement when you read more about me and get the feeling that I'm different and better than everyone else you've seen today! You decide you want to get to know me better. But where to start! You don't want to come off as needy, dorky, or desperate, so "HI!!! I LUV UR PROFILE, TAKE ME OUT!" doesn't sound right. but at the same time, you don't want to come off as b****y or mean, so making fun of me and putting me down doesn't seem like a good path. You decide that a simple, sincere, direct approach is the best way to go. After all, if I'm really as nice and amazing as I seem online, I'll appreciate your interest and we'll end up married with seven children.

All well and good so far. However, since you are about as intelligent, mature, and tactful as a 13-year-old Twilight fan (hmmm, come to think of it, that probably isn't too far from the truth), you fail miserably in your attempt to hit on me.

Let me explain, but first, let me re-post exactly what you said to me. Don't worry, your anonymity is guaranteed, unless you try again.

"Hey there! My name is ********. I love music, it's my life. For work I'm a production stage manager. I love to laugh and just have fun. The best thing in life is hanging out with my my amazing friends. For fun I go to a lot of movies, concerts, coffee houses and local venues too. I have two associates degrees. I also love to chat and meet new people so check out the rest of my profile and send me a message"

Okay, thanks for trying ********. Let me explain where you went wrong, so you can fix it next time.

The intro wasn't bad, but then we enter the realm of "Thanks, try again."

"I love music, it's my life."

So you work in the music business? Maybe a singer or something?

"For work I'm a production stage manager."

Ah, I see. What is that?

"I love to laugh and just have fun."

Got it, as opposed to the people who love to cry and be miserable all the time.

"The best thing in life is hanging out with my my amazing friends. For fun I go to a lot of movies, concerts, coffee houses and local venues too."

I thought MUSIC was your life, and now you're telling me your FRIENDS are. Very inconsistent.

"I have two associates degrees."

Ok, NOW we're trying to hard. You don't need to impress me. You're not going to get me to like you by telling me your whole life story before I've even talked to you. You're going to do that by talking to me and laughing at my jokes and building a relationship over a period of time. Please, I hope you figure that out by the time you meet your guy. Because that is an extremely ineffective approach.

"I also love to chat and meet new people so check out the rest of my profile and send me a message"

And now you're BEGGING me to validate you. I might reply a few times, but I'm going to let the conversation taper off eventually and never talk to you again.

Before you tell me how mean I am, you have to realize I get stuff like this three or four times a day. A DAY! It gets tiring reading mini biographies every day with NO personality or emotion behind them. Someday someone is going to engage me in witty online banter, flirt with me, tease me, make me have FUN. And THAT'S the girl who is gonna have a chance of succeeding with me.

Sorry, try again.

Why It's Easier to Just Stay in My Room and Play Xbox or Sleep on the Weekends

While everyone else ends up like this:

My weekend ends up looking something like this:

Yeah, it might be a little more boring. Or a lot boring. Or incredibly, mind numbingly boring.

And I could probably talk myself into going out on the town if I felt like it.

But I don't. Blame my parents. ;)

Observations of a Student Interrogator

Hey guys, I'm Chris Beckstrand, and I'm starting this blog up so I have somewhere to jot down my thoughts and feelings a few times a week.

I'm a PVT E-1 in the Utah Army National Guard currently going through the 35M10 course at Ft. Huachuca, AZ. At the end of the course I'll (hopefully, that is) be "trained and ready to perform tactically as a Human Intelligence Collector in the field." Basically, I'm gonna be an interrogator.

I'm gonna use this space to talk about all sorts of stuff, so strap in and follow if you can. Any questions about anything you want, feel free to ask.